What Parents of Children and Teens With Mental Health and Behavioral Issues Need to Know

Be forewarned before you read this as you may not like what I am about to say

Growing up we were allowed some snacks, well actually one per day. We got to pick it out-mine was peanut butter ring dings. After school we had to ask if we could have a snack and then if so, we got one treat, that is it. We didn’t have a pantry loaded with soda, chips, candy, and other processed snacks. Mostly because there just weren’t that many back when I was young.

But more importantly we had rules. Just like with TV. We could only watch after homework was done. But there were other rules as well, such as always eating meals at the dinner table and never leaving the table unless you were “excused”.

While these rules may seem strict and old fashion by today’s youth, they benefited us overall.

Today’s youth have endless screen time, have a pantry loaded with junk food, eat less often at the table and more often in front of a screen, in a car or at a fast food restaurant.

The breakdown of these rules, the advancement in technology and the array of junk food that bombards us everywhere I admit is a challenge.

But what I see as a main problem is a lack of structure and a lack of rules in the household.

I work with parents often and their children and teens who have mental health issues.

The diets are just about the same-no veggies, no leafy greens, no whole foods, all processed junk foods, that consist mostly of fast food meals, lots of bread, pizza, burgers, chicken nuggets, chips, sugary rich foods and beverages. This diet is nutrient deficient and is a contributing factor to mental health and behavioral issues because the body and brain are not getting the fuel, vitamins, minerals, trace minerals and phytonutrients that it needs. Your gut bacteria are also not getting the food it needs to support mental well-being and your blood sugar is swinging back and forth between highs and lows.

The Questions Come Down To This-

Are you in control of Your Child’s Diet or is your child?

If your child is in control, how do you take it back?

I hate to say it, but often, the child or teen is in control when it comes to their diet. Not all the time, mind you, but often.

To be clear, I am not saying you are a bad parent, don’t care or love your child- I am not blaming you, but as a society how we parent has shifted and this has impacted food choices and as a result our health.  

I have seen this even at the toddler age.

I had a mom at a presentation ask me what she can do as her 3- year old will only eat chicken nuggets and juice.

I doubt that he is cooking or buying those chicken nuggets or grabbing the juice out of the fridge on his own.

Yes, she seemed shocked by my response and I was brutally honest with her (but said it as nice as possible). She was no longer in control. This was one smart toddler. He had her figured out and knew how to get exactly what he wanted.

I understand it-she would rather give in and give him the chicken nuggets then listen to him throw a tantrum. We have all been there. But he knew exactly how to get what we wanted.

As your child gets older, I understand that it is difficult to have as much control over what foods they eat when they are at a friend’s house, a birthday party, and so forth. (This is why education is so important so that they can make healthier choices when not with you).

Be a role model! When they see you eat healthy they are more likely to eat healthy as well.  

In YOUR house, here is a simple solution-don’t buy the crap food! Get it out of the house.  

Have one treat that they can have once per day-that is it! Provide healthy but tasty snacks and meals. It doesn’t have to be complicated-there are so many healthy options available now a days so that you don’t have to spend all day in the kitchen.

I have seen several teens that I just can’t help because they refuse to change their diet. I don’t mind if they have processed food time to time, but they refuse to even add in any healthy options. This is where the issue is-don’t offer it in the household! If it’s not available, they cannot eat it!

Yes, in the beginning it will be miserable.

They will fuss, kick and scream and make you want to give in. Be prepared, the first couple weeks won’t “be pretty”.

They will be grumpy and not feeling well as they “detox” from sugar and processed starches. But be strong, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Once they start eating healthier, yes, they will start to feel better. It will happen but it takes some perseverance in the beginning.

It will be worth it for your child/teen and for the entire family

Parents, you are the parent, you are in control, you make the rules and guidelines in your house!

You are not being cruel or abusing your child, you are helping them.

They may not like you right now if you do this, but so what, as a parent, you are not your child’s friend. You have a role and a responsibility so deal with their anger and resentment right now.

Because, trust me on this, down the road, they will thank you.

With my older clients that have health issues, the ones that grew up with healthy food in the house talk fondly of the meals that were prepared in their homes. The ones who ate a processed food diet at home, their responses are not as positive or memorable.

If you want your child’s health to improve and they are refusing, don’t just shrug your shoulders and say, “oh well”. Instead say “we are making some new rules around food and meals in the house for all of us”.

This isn’t torture, starving or depriving them, instead you are offering them whole foods that will support their energy levels for sports, their brain function in school and for tests, their moods for general happiness and well-being.

But I “Feel Bad” For My Child

I have heard this often.

You don’t want to change their diet, make rules and demands around diet because he or she has been through so much. You are doing your child a disservice by feeling bad and having sympathy for him or her.

Sympathy never helped anyone.

You have heard of “tough love” when your child is addicted to drugs. Well I got news for you, processed foods with sugar and white flour are addictive! It does take some tough love to help your child.

And just like with a drug addiction, you seek out help and support. It should be the same with the diet. A nutritionist can help you get started and motivate you to make these changes and guide you.

You Don’t know Where to Begin

Your diet may look the same as your child’s. Maybe you eat a tad more fruit or veggies but overall you rely on takeout and prepared meals and don’t cook very often (opening a bag and pouring the ingredients into a pan doesn’t count) so you are not even sure what healthy food is and where to begin.

It can then be difficult to know what changes to make, where to start, what to buy, what to cook and so forth. Enlist help! I help people with grocery outings, pantry makeovers, cooking demos, and education.

I am not saying it is easy and all the conflicting information on the internet gets very confusing and overwhelming.

Not only is enlisting help, helping your child but it will also help everyone else in the household as well.

The child/teen is typically more on board with the dietary changes if the entire family is on board. You can’t order a pizza while you serve your teen a chicken quinoa salad.

To Recap

• You are the parent; you make the rules as to what food choices are offered in your house and how much junk and snack food your child can eat.
• Make meals at the table the rule not the exception
• Be a role model!  Eat healthy food and your kids will too!
• Clean out the pantry and get rid of the junk food in the house
• Not sure what is really a healthy food or a healthy meal-have a nutritionist take you through your grocery store. You will see food in a new light!
• If you need some cooking tips, simple meal ideas, a nutritionist can do cooking demos with you, give you recipes, brands and types of packaged foods that are healthier options and much more.
• Try a cooking class as a family! It makes learning cooking skills fun!
• Are your children old enough to cook, or do some food prep-enlist their help, even if it’s a Sunday activity together.
• Sit down together to come up with a plan as to what foods everyone would like to try, find recipes together, come up with a plan for when and how much junk food can be eaten.
• This is not about mom spending more time in the kitchen-this is about everyone in the household pitching in!
• You are not a bad parent or one that doesn’t care or love your child because they have been eating junk food!
• Just START! If it seems overwhelming, take baby steps. What is one junk food in the house that you can toss and replace? What is one unhealthy meal that you can tweak?

The best thing you can do is just Start. Start slowly or make an overhaul to the food in the house, have a family meeting, discuss it and enlist professional help. Adding in healthy food is not going to hurt and can only help your child and everyone else in the family.

What do you think?

Does your child eat whatever they want?

Does your teen eat processed food all day long?

When you look in your pantry it is filled with processed foods?

Are you unsure of what constitutes a processed food versus a healthy food?

Please seek help if unsure how or where to being! It really will help your child!